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Closing Down.
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440 Views
07/14/10
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Writing out of boredom here at the office, waiting for my shift to be over and I can go home. I like posting on this site because it’s anonymous, low trafficked and I am not trying to impress anyone. I made a decision earlier in the week to let go of the desire that has driven me all my life. That is my desire for love. I am in a painful marriage one that I wish would get better, but never does; one that is both loveless and sexless. And it’s one that I cannot leave.
So I surrender it all. I give up now. I let go. I accept that I doing penance for an unknown crime; a karmic transgression from a previous incarnation. I will never know what it is like to love or be loved. I have lost. I have wasted for too many years trying, and I am tired, so tired. I am done. The pain, the isolation, the loneliness is too great a burden to bear. I accept that I have failed, failed miserably. Not just in my marriage but all those relationships before my marriage. Love is meant for others but was never meant to be for me. All I can do now is live the rest of my life for my sons. Give them the best I can give. As for the rest I am done. I am out of step and out of time and closing down. I simply can’t afford to hurt any more.
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My Second Blog Post - A General Question.
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171 Views
07/12/10
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My second blog post!
This is a more of question than anything else. But I am curious – do women (of any age) do find these attractive qualities in a man? I am married, and not looking for anything other than friendship or correspondence; but my wife has a great deal of difficulty in accepting these parts of me (parts she has she referred to as “unmanly”) - But this is who I am. I make no apologies for this – yet sometimes I think it would just be easier to not be the way I am, but to somehow change the essence of my being. Of course I have tried this in the past, and was miserable. No this is who I am, and again, my question are these attractive qualities? Would you (women) not be interested in knowing someone better like this, or would you simply not be interested in someone like this?
Here are my predominant character traits –a very basic list.
I tend to be:
• fiercely private – letting only those trust completely inside
•sensitive and have great empathy for others.
•a quite leader, choosing to lead by example
•great depth of personality - intricately and deeply woven, mysterious, and highly complex, sometimes puzzling even themselves
•introverted
•abstract in communicating
•live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities - part of an unusually rich inner life
•artistic (and natural affinity for art), creative, and easily inspired
•very independent
•I have an orderly view towards the world but within myself I am arranged in a chaotic, complex way only I understand.
And here is what drives me:
•I value personal integrity and "being true to yourself"
•Am on a lifelong search for a unique identity and meaning; very spirituality inclined.
•I can be hard to get to know, depending on the other person (reciprocity)
•I am sometimes seen by others as cold and hard on the outside, but I am warm and fuzzy on the inside to those who really know me.
•I sometimes find it easier to express my deepest feelings and sentiments in writing
•abhor evil or injustice, especially that directed towards the innocent or helpless
•am sometimes looked upon by others as naive, due to my idealism.
•enjoy thoughtful discussion but dislike arguing for argument's sake, as this often degenerates into ugly conflict
•I am a huge bookworms, love bookstores and libraries
•get stressed over extended periods without company
•rarely get into conflict, but when it erupts, can be very bitter
•love quotes/quotations and are often "philosophers" or "theologists" ;)
•need to confide in others and express opinions and feelings about others.
•are interested in ESP, paranormal, "new age," or psychic experiences
•often have "oceanic" memories where details are recalled through intuitive leaps and thought association
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BORED
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223 Views
07/09/10
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This is my first blog on this site; the only social site that somehow evades my company's firewall. Unfortunately I seem to have bit of writer's block, or at least don't have anything particularly meaningful to say that in anyway, shape, or form relates to the purpose of this website. Which by the way is difficult to figure out - partly niche market adult friend finder, partly sincere desire to meet others.
I guess you can say I have always been attracted to older people. I have always crushed on women older than myself. Older women have always seemed more worldly and wise; much more intelligent conversationalists. More loving, more expressive, more patient. Not to mention superior lovers to anyone young. But that's just my opionion.
Okay I have rambled enough and have wasted 10 minutes to boot.
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