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Does an age-gap matter? Sort by:
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Posted on Oct 08, 2007 at 03:07 AM

I am a 27 year old woman, currently in a relationship with a 37 year old man, who has 2 kids (not mine). Firstly is this wrong? Should age matter? He has asked me to move in with him, and he wants to get married. He has been married before and is now divorced. I do love him but I'm not sure what to do next. My parents strongly disagree with the relationship. Please help. What should I do?

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Posted on Dec 14, 2007 at 02:18 PM

Who cares if involving yourself in an age-gapped relationship is right or wrong? The only question you should be asking: Does the relationship make me happy? Your parents will likely come around; if they don't, f**k 'em.

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Posted on Dec 06, 2007 at 01:03 PM

I believe sunny said it best, it's not the age your with but the person. Not to mention that it's YOU that matters and not everyone else, if you thought it was wrong you wouldn't be in the relationship nor here on this site. :) Good luck!


These are just my own thoughts and doesn't mean i'm right, still friends? :) :)
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Posted on Nov 21, 2007 at 08:45 PM

Ten years is not too much. Try to think ahead - when he maybe slows up a bit at 70+ you'll be 60+; some relationships don't survive that long anyway. However some women wake up in their 30s and want children of their own; will you?

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Posted on Oct 11, 2007 at 08:29 AM

I keep looking for the part where you say that you love him too and I'm missing it....couldn't find it. His possessiveness could get worse later, so if that makes you unhappy, you need to either come to terms with it and accept or make your escape now. He will not change, but you will. Doesn't sound healthy to me. This is only a 10 year age gap......some of us, including yours truly....date men with up to a 30 year age difference. The real concern here is that you are not ready for an instant family. OR is it that you just aren't that into him? Either way....no good. Don't let him rush you. Take your time.

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Posted on Oct 10, 2007 at 08:35 PM

Of course age matters, but only in the sense that an older person might slow down a bit before their partner is ready to. This depends on genetics and how well a person takes care of themselves. Other than that, who the hell cares. Also, this guy is not that much older than you. My wife was 14 years younger than me. What really matters is the health and wealth of the relationship. Are you really good friends to each other? Is the relationship mutual, equal, and well balanced? Do you both have fun with each other? Do you allow each other to grow independently? Do you both earn trust and are honest with each other? Heck, there are probably more things to think about, but I am sure you get the idea. Base you decisions on reality and not what others think. Would your mother have passed-up your dad if he was ten years older? Good luck. Tangentalpoet.

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Posted on Oct 10, 2007 at 02:57 PM

Well, there's less of a taboo with older men/younger women, hardly an eye is battered in such relations. But again, with even the roles and situation reversed. It's all about a matter of trust, love and loyality. Good and decent folk will see past the surface if everything you hold dear between one another, is that of pure truth and simple honesty.

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Posted on Oct 08, 2007 at 11:21 PM

But you're not sure, and that's OK. Your feelings are sending you a message. Are you willing to go along with them? Don't your feelings matter as much as your boyfriend's? You could decide to call it a day now, or give yourself a cut-off point of three to six months in which to make up your mind. The choice is not between this man and no-one. There are plenty of other men out there with whom you could be happy and not have any doubts about it. In the same way there are plenty of women with whom your boyfriend could go on and form a good relationship. If you are going to split up, wouldn't it make more sense to do it sooner rather than later? That way you both have the maximum chance of finding someone you are sure about. I wish you both a good relationship whether that's with each other or someone else. Good luck!

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Posted on Oct 08, 2007 at 11:19 PM

Let's cut straight to the heart of the matter. If you really wanted to get married and move in with your boyfriend, you wouldn't be having all these doubts. Surely your feelings are sending you a warning? It's quite possible to love someone but not to want a permanent, committed, live-in relationship. If that was what you both wanted, there'd be no problem, but it doesn't sound like you're convinced you'd be happy together. An age-gap isn't wrong or right. It just is. The age-difference doesn't have much of an impact now, while you're both relatively young. If you were to get married, think of things in twenty years time. He'd be in his sixties, already a pensioner, and you'd still be at work. You might be lucky to have an elderly husband in good health but you might have to take care of him if he had a stroke, say, or advanced arthritis. How would you manage this while working full-time? There are relationships with a bigger age-gap than this which have worked out well. As for your parents, they realize that you are now an adult and they accept you as you are. The fact that you were hoping they'd help you make up your mind is another sign that you're not sure. If you were sure you wanted to be with this man, the age-gap would be a small price to pay.

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Posted on Oct 08, 2007 at 07:46 PM

Hunny there is absolutely nothing wrong with the age gap in itself, so then just remains the decision whether or not to marry a man, regardless of his age...with two children. You are a grown young women, but are you truly ready for this kind of responsibility? A built-in family is a lot of Samsonite for anyone. Do you love him? Sounds like you do. And if he loves you as much as you think, he will wait for you to be ready. Sure....go ahead and love him. Just slow down a bit! ((((HUGS))))

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