Age Blogs and Age Stories - AgeMatch.com > Barefootchild's blogs > To Cougar or Not to Cougar that is the Question
To Cougar or Not to Cougar that is the Question Sort by:
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Posted on Jan 13, 2008 at 11:21 PM

I am 56, unstoppable and into interesting sympatico minds/dates of all ages from around 38 on up. One of my favorite happenin local guys is the same age as Gig0lo at 51. Only adorable 72 year old I know is taken. Known him all my life and he thinks my pic for posterity should be naked straddling a Harley. He's too kind. I said, puh-leez if I ever did it - I'm an Indian or Vincent 1000 girl. Following my divorce I joined a strictly cougar site - just becuz I COULD! Tell ME I'm over the hill and I'll run you under it ;-) So, found I made a bunch of women friends and a ton of guy FRIENDS and no-one truly dateable or reliable stepped up to the plate on that site. However, I especially loved the 18 and 19 year olds who would pop in and out talkin about how their guitar or bass playing was going and just stuff as if I was a really cool aunt. Hint: if you develop an overwhelming urge to breastfeed someone you are talking to on an agegap site - the dude is DEFINITELY too young to date. Willing to date 38 years old on up. There were so many flakes on that site that I finally issued a challenge on the forums there that I would date the first local guy whose profile checked out (along with my brief security requirements). Personality-wise, and visually I don't suck for my age... One 37 year old guy came forward and later backed out. Then the nice sounding hot and heavy ones in other cities all faded into the air when it came to actually meeting up. Here's what I now think ALTHOUGH THERE WILL BE EXCEPTIONS to the rule. A lot of guys who go for cougars think along the following lines. She's older, she's desperate. I should get some easily and she will be grateful. (Yeh - you're that irresistable bub!) This is a one-off experience like visiting a n exotic animal in the zoo. (Hey I'm tired of being a cougar. Look for me in the snow-leopard section). If I'm younger and you're older then you have to be teacher and I can be irresponsible and you can keep me in line. (Do not address me as Mommy and expect to pet and protect me as I would hope you would any woman). Women my age are too difficult. (If they are you're not trying hard enough so don't expect me to cut you unreasonable slack). I haven't thought this out. I can't stand up to my friends and family and society. (Then don't date an older woman in the first place). I welcome your comments, all of you. I do think that a lot who think they would like to "date cougar" are unprepared for reality and thus doomed to disappointment. Like to hear from those who disprove this.

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Posted on Jun 16, 2008 at 09:42 PM

This bkog has fizzled out -were there any comments of use?

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Posted on Feb 05, 2008 at 03:11 PM

Venus appears to be very much a true portayal of the myth.

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Posted on Jan 18, 2008 at 10:46 AM

Fitz Moment of reality hit me. You may have reservations but you are sincerely examining this. For so many the romance of cougaring is "a perfect affair for the chronic batchelor with a built in way out at the end... the age difference". Life is like a box of chocolates only the ending is: you go back to the box and select another. So KUDOS for your sincerity.

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Posted on Jan 18, 2008 at 06:37 AM

Fitz, It has been my unfortunate experience that a good majority of the guys who are online are either insincere, have no courage to make it "real" or are only looking to fulfill a fantasy or are outright scammers. I mean, here I am responding to a faceless stranger...lol....that's ludicrous to me. I'm only doing it because of the thread and my good friend who wrote it. There have been a few I have connected with only to have communication abruptly dropped after being led to believe there was a genuine connection, been seriously misled and outright lied to. That's why I made the allusion to being treated like an unwanted piece of clothing being discarded. We have become such a throw-away world in every way. All of my successful agegap dating, relationships and marriage happened offline, in person. The online experience has been less than satisfactory for me and for many of the women I know and have become friends with. There has never been a delineation regarding who I date and their age. Since my mid 20's I have had friends of both sexes, boyfriends and a husband younger than me. It was never a conscious decision so I tend to find all of this agonizing over an age difference pretty tedious indeed. It's all a matter of choice. All I'm saying is that if you are hesitant, be up front about it. Don't string someone along with the pretense of real interest then disappear when they want to go "live." This applies to both men and women alike. You are messing with hearts, souls, emotions and lives. Remember that! Love & Peace, Dreamer

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Posted on Jan 17, 2008 at 03:42 PM

Barefootchild: Thanks for the response. I definitely see your point that its hard to find a medium in scenarios that have such definitive sides of a the proverbial "fence". I guess that I just wanted to raise the perspective that some people may be fine making that leap, but not right out of the gate. HiDesertDreamer: I apologize that you got an impression that I felt that these experiences were like trying clothing. I was only trying to raise the point that some people might need to have a soft landing into such a relationship for the first time. I did not mean to criticize your experiences. As a guy, I always felt comfortable dating women younger than myself... but it did not seem that way if the interest was in a woman significantly older than myself. I guess we differ because if an older woman had similar hesitations to dating a younger person but wanted to, I would not be offended if she asked for some discretion in the beginning of the relationship. That was really the only point I wanted to raise. Again, I apologize that you got such a negative impression from my response, it was not my intention to do so.

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Posted on Jan 17, 2008 at 06:39 AM

Yebbo V! (Bit of Africa creeping in there, yebbo = yes. Ya gotta go where you are fed and comfortable and give back in the smoothest way for you. Hugggs my friend. Always warmed by your friendship too.

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Posted on Jan 16, 2008 at 10:36 PM

Lookin' good Gig! ;-) Yeah Miss T.....I'm about ready to throw in the towel at that other site too. I mean, I'm just not feeling it anymore. It's not even the scammers and little boy cubs that get me down. It's when the ladies start acting as if it's a giant step for feminism to copulate with as many boys as possible. And then they turn around and complain when all the boys want is cyber sex, phone sex or a one nighter. Am I missing something here?

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Posted on Jan 16, 2008 at 06:21 PM

Fitz, first thanks for responding. Why be an undecided mugwump in life hon, with your mug on one side of the fence and your wump on the other. You can't half base jump. You evaluate whether something is for you or not and when you have clarity you go for it or turn away from it. Once embarqued on a course of action it's ok, even healthy, to feel uncomfortable in the middle of a new adventure and acknowledge that you are and the reasons making it so, but give that adventure a committed shot. Feeling uncomfortable also gives you a chance to see what stance you would like to take to try to change those things in life too.

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Posted on Jan 16, 2008 at 06:57 AM

Fitz, You've heard the expression "in for a penny, in for a pound" haven't you? If you aren't willing to commit totally to an agegap relationship and want to stay "private" until you see if it "fits", that's unacceptable to me and to many other women I know. We aren't a pair of shoes or a jacket or pair of pants you see that you might like then try on, feel uncomfortable in and discard. We're flesh and blood human beings with lives, families, dreams, desires, feelings and ambitions. My statement is how "I" feel. I was never embarassed nor uncomfortable with my younger (20 yrs.) husband nor he with me. If you are unwilling to embrace another person you profess to care about fully and publicly, you are hedging your bets. Most of the "mature" women I know and am friends with find this behavior controlling and unacceptable. You hide your face so most of us would have no interest in communicating with you anyway. It's been my experience that when someone hides their face they will want to hide their agegap relationship too. I'm sure you will find some women willing to "explore in private"....I'm not one of them. Love, Peace & Good Luck, Dreamer

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Posted on Jan 15, 2008 at 07:51 PM

"I agree with the assessment that if you haven't thought this through and would have a problem with family, friends, society, etc, then get the blazes to a site where you will interact with someone "acceptable" and quit wasting our precious time with fantasies and empty promises." This appears to be a common feeling found in many profiles. I have to disagree, to some extent, about this approach. It is acknowledged that there is some level of a social uneasiness to a substantial age-gap relationship. But don't you think that it is pretty harsh to just write off people who are not necessarily willing to go right from the unknown to a public relationship? For me I have found that I have an attraction to some older women. There would be issues that would drastically effect areas of my life if I just rolled right into a age-gap relationship. Would it be absurd to assume that maybe it would not start so public? I am sure there are others like me who may not want to have to face some of these social obstacles until there was a level of involvement that would make it worth it. I agree with you though that I am sure you get plenty of requests for a casual rendezvous when you clearly are not looking for that. But to assume that in order to experience an age-gap relationship one must jump into it wholeheartedly at first would exclude many of those who may want to explore the avenue in more private encounters at first. Anyways, just added my perspective, not meant in any way to criticize, as there are certainly valid points to your statement.

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Posted on Jan 15, 2008 at 06:20 AM

Yes, and I concur....clarity is soooo vital to lifting our experiences from the mundane to the sublime. Love & Peace, Dreamer

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Posted on Jan 15, 2008 at 04:04 AM

I am 36 and have an overwhelming love for older women, and not just for sex. I really like talking to older women and like treating them with total respect and care. I have had a relationship before with a women who was 10 years older than me, it was the best, we where like kindred spirits, then she moved away. It would be great to find another lady older than myself to have a deep and loving connection with. Kudos to all you older women.

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Posted on Jan 14, 2008 at 11:11 PM

Yep babe, be you girl or guy, if you're not clear, clear, clear on what you want to the point of calm focus, you're scattering your energy ... your ardor ... to use Gig's glorious quote. If you are not simple, honest and fine in your dealings you again miss the best technicolor experiences love has to offer.... as I see it.

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Posted on Jan 14, 2008 at 06:26 AM

Hey, my beautiful friend, You pretty much said it all. Those of us who have grown, matured, gained wisdom, experience and a sure sense of who we are and what we want are unwilling to settle for shallow, superficual, meaningless interaction. Some might prefer it but they are in the minority. If you guys thought an older woman would be a cake walk....wrong! This problem of "walking your talk" is prevalent on most of the dating sites I've been a member of, agegap or not. So many liars, pretenders, scammers and wannabe "Romeos"....lol....that it's hilarious, frustrating, annoying and challenging all at the same time. I agree with the assessment that if you haven't thought this through and would have a problem with family, friends, society, etc, then get the blazes to a site where you will interact with someone "acceptable" and quit wasting our precious time with fantasies and empty promises. When I see a man's profile that shows a healthy income and/or a "professional" career who is not a gold member, I have to wonder that if he's too cheap to invest a few dollars to find a "soulmate", he'll probably be too cheap to send flowers or want to spend a few dollars at a nice restaurant, etc. Generosity of spirit is pretty important to most of the "mature" women I am friends with and have met on this journey. There's a lesson here, boys. Life is a wonderful and precious gift. Let's make the most of it by being loving, sincere and honest with ourselves and each other about who we are what we are after. Peace, Love and Good Luck to All, Dreamer

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