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For MEN ONLY: How Rejection Can Help You Get The Girl Sort by:
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Posted on Nov 15, 2011 at 08:46 AM

Have you guys ever noticed that men with average looks and incomes are still scoring with hot women? I hear a lot of people say that these type men are "getting lucky." I call it "trying." These average-looking, average-income-earning men seem to do stupid things--like buy drinks for girls, ask girls if they like them, and even beg for kisses. It is seriously uncomfortable viewing for a guy like me, but the crazy thing is: it WORKS for these guys a lot of the time! The reason? Even the most average of them is not afraid to put himself out there and risk rejection...sometimes even MULTIPLE rejections. This is really the ONLY trait you MUST have if you want to succeed with women--you must act on your desires! The goal for too many guys is to avoid rejection, rather than to get the girl!! The TRUTH is, rejections are NOT permanent, and sometimes can work in your favor. When you go direct, most gorgeous women will reject you several times just to test your confidence. If you stay calm, though, and continue to work on them, you can often win them over, because the way you handle rejection is something of a lie detector test of confidence. A good rule of thumb: if they don't leave, assume that they're they're attracted on some level, and therefore, rejection is meaningless. For instance, if a girl says, "Sorry, you're not my type," or dodges a kiss or whatever, just smile and say, "We'll see" or, "I'll win you over." Then, cut to a new thread and escalate once more. The kind of confidence it takes to shrug off blatant rejection is so uncommon among men in this day and age that this alone tends to inspire a bit of attraction in a woman. It makes sense, since rejection isn't all that big a deal when you have a ton of options. Most guys get so flustered and embarrassed by rejection that they can't recover and either leave the set or creep everyone out. THERE IS NO SHAME IN REJECTION! Sometimes, it's an unfortunate but necessary part of getting to "yes." This goes for handling flaky women as well. If a girl is turning you down or standing you up, don't get upset and try to "talk about it"; just disappear for awhile. Chances are, she'll get curious and contact you in a week's time. The void she feels from a loss of attention is relative, so if you've texted her every day and then suddenly disappear, it'll actually bother her MORE. All the more reason not to worry about when/ how often you call her; the trick is just not to be NEEDY. It's much healthier to view rejection as a kind of dance, rather than a moment of truth. Guys, if you make it a point to ALWAYS escalate to the point where her comfort levels are challenged, you will never end up in the dreaded "friendzone," which is really a state of only semi-permanent rejection. If you look among your friends as to who gets the most girls, you'll find it's simply the guy who tries the most. The guy that tries to play it cool and HIDES his desire will often finds himself in the dreaded perma-state of "let's just be friends."

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Posted on Jun 17, 2014 at 12:58 PM

All this back and forth with he is right or he is wrong, he is right, absolutely, for some situations and some women only though. I have asked this same question to enough women and reality is that some do qualify a guy this way and test, some want to see if you have a back bone, or if you have a temper, a sense of humor, basically how you react in general. If you get hurt, angry, laugh etc. It is a way for some women to see what you are made of, what kind of guy they would be getting involved with, how you handle yourself and other people. In other cases it is just simply her mood, and she just isn't at that moment wanting to flirt with you that way or maybe anyone at all, try another approach, absolutely, or come back another day if possible. In some cases just as well she is just simply not at all interested in you and never will be, it is our job as men to figure this all out without stepping over the line too far. I am a line stepper, within reason, he is right you have to take chances, just don't be stupid and seriously offend someone, use your head, be polite and try and have a sense of humor, and if she is seriously not interested after several attempts, get a clue and move on. Most women don't want to be rude about rejecting you if they are not interested, most will try to be obvious but without being too blunt, hoping you will figure it out before they have to be blunt, learn to read the signs and not every woman and situation is the same.


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Posted on Dec 27, 2011 at 05:44 PM

HPD it amazes me to have to say this but referring to the last paragraph of your last comment, I actually agree with you completely


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Posted on Nov 21, 2011 at 05:26 AM

Quoting helena2006:

Sorry Jag you lost me there


It's simple Helena.There's a glaringly obvious contradiction between HPD's comments,directed at Searching,which said If a girl isn't interested move on,compared to the advice contained in the original post,which said if a girl isn't interested then try to win her over and rejection is an unfortunate but necessary part of getting to yes. Whereas most blokes,with any sense,know from when they are taught basic social skills,by their elders from an early age,if a girl says no thanks then she isn't interested and she means it so leave her alone.If she says no but she doesn't mean it then still leave her alone and stay well clear of her. I think the bit that's confusing HPD is that 'some' of those girls who say no,but who aren't sure wether they really mean yes or not, sometimes then decide to show interest.The difference in that case is that 'some' blokes would then fall into the trap of,at best, getting involved with a girl who isn't sure wether she's really interested in the bloke or not,which can then continue to affect the relationship for the duration of it including as far as causing the failure of it at some time in the future.Or at worse the implications can be catastrophic leading to harassment or worse charges against a bloke in the event of the girl 'changing her mind' from not interested to interested then back to not interested again. Which is why the lyrics in the old record Let Your Yeah Be Yeah and Your No Be No by the Pioneers contain a good lesson for women.

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Posted on Nov 21, 2011 at 01:06 AM

Helena, I was being Sarcastic. Its obvious he isnt an expert. No Woman in her right mind would put up with what he dishes out.


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Posted on Nov 20, 2011 at 10:03 PM

Sorry Jag you lost me there


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Posted on Nov 20, 2011 at 07:08 PM

Quoting jag6000:

Helena it's easy to spot the flaws in HPD's ideas.The advice and agreement with Searching,that if she's not interested move on,seems to contradict the idea of not accepting rejection by trying win her over,if she's not interested.

Hey Jag, Helena, and LB: You're absolutely right that it's easy to poke holes in my logic, and I'm definitely no woman expert, but I'm proud of myself for knowing that it's far better to have tried and failed than to have not tried at all. "It is not the critic who counts...the credit belongs to the man in the arena...who knows the great enthusiams, the great devotions...who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly." --Teddy Roosevelt I may not always be right, but at least I'm in the GAME of life, rather than sit as a spectator. I say and do what I think, and it often goes against the grain of conventional wisdom that most people on this site unquestionably espouse and follow. I may not always be right, but at least I am NOT afraid to be an ORIGINAL.

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Posted on Nov 19, 2011 at 07:06 AM

Helena it's easy to spot the flaws in HPD's ideas.The advice and agreement with Searching,that if she's not interested move on,seems to contradict the idea of not accepting rejection by trying win her over,if she's not interested.

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Posted on Nov 18, 2011 at 11:27 PM

Litenbrite, HPD is NOT an expert on women; you have answered your own question about that.  He is still searching and getting, searching again and losing - probably much like the rest of us.  That does not make him a super-stud, it just reduces him to a normal human being in results.  The fact that he is blatant about what he wants and repeats every contact with the opposite sex as if it is a conquest rather than just a contact, he is not finding what he really wants either.


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Posted on Nov 18, 2011 at 04:21 AM

HPD it's not a case of buying her a drink to buy her company it's more a type of marker to show special interest.To show that you've chosen her to buy a drink for not any one else.The difference between our ideas is the difference between looking for 'the one' compared to just looking for women in general on a multiple basis. In that type of search trust me it takes time and it takes luck,lots of luck,more than anything else.Walking away in an attempt to increase interest is more likely to just make her think that you're a timewaster and before you know it the next bloke is there buying her a drink and telling her that he's got all night if that's what it takes.lol.

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Posted on Nov 17, 2011 at 12:20 PM

Quoting jag6000:

HPD That's obvious and I've always used the idea that faint heart never won fair maiden when first trying my luck.My idea though is that in that first approach you need to make her realise that you (honestly) think that there's something special about her and that's why you're asking her to let you buy her a drink and (hopefully) have a chat.But instead of I can't talk long there's nothing to lose by saying I've got all the time in the world or at least until closing time.lol. BUT.What happens after that point is all down to luck and if she says no thanks,and/or you're not her type and/or she's already spoken for (more than likely)then she means it and there's nothing to be gained,and possibly (a lot) of trouble involved,by saying something like 'we'll see' or 'I'll win you over'.

Jag: Generally speaking, I refuse to buy women drinks in order to talk with them. I shouldn't have to pay for companionship. Another thing: I'm never generous with my time when first meeting a woman. I want her to know that my time is valuable. A man who is willing to chat up a woman for hours upon first meeting her doesn't value his time--and is low-value in the eyes of a woman. It means that he has nothing better to do than chat with strangers. Women love a man who's busy (or at least seems to be busy). They prefer men who are goal driven, men who work, men who spend the majority of their time making money. Remember, Jag, that when a woman likes a guy and tells her female friend about him, the FIRST question the friend asks is, "What does he do?" (i.e. how much is he worth?) But when a man tells his buddy about a girl he likes, the first thing the buddy asks is, "What does she look like?" If I were to meet a woman at a bar, I would minimize my time with her; and after a few minutes, I would even (politely) excuse myself from her and chat up the other women, or I would leave. The WORST thing you can do is follow a girl around like a puppy dog, being generous with your tme and money before she has even demonstrated that she deserves any of it. The best conversations with women are usually short ones, and if you can discipline yourself to cut off the conversation at its zenith, you will likely cause her to be further interested. You ALWAYS want to be the one who stops the conversation. You NEVER want to hear a woman say, "Well, I've gotta get going." YOU be the one who ends the conversation. The best way to do it is to cut the conversation short--leave her wanting more.

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Posted on Nov 17, 2011 at 07:02 AM

Searching if a woman says she's not interested it's not a case of in 'some' cases she probably isn't it's a case of in 'all' cases she really isn't. If she's one of those mythical few who say no when she really means yes it's still best to avoid her and keep well clear of her,because a woman who plays those types of games,isn't worth all the hassle and risk,of all the implications,of confusing the signals that she's giving.

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Posted on Nov 17, 2011 at 06:08 AM

Quoting VenusDarkStar:

Well, I disagree, although I concede to the fact that not every woman means "NO" when she says it. I DO! Any further attempts will only agitate me. Furthermore, I do not call men just because they don't contact me. If a man is into me, he will call. And he DOES. ;-)


So you don't like a man to be persistent? I find that hard to believe about you, VDS. I can see you making guys go through hoops for you! So if you like a guy, you automatically signal interest? You don't feign disinterest or make him work for your attention?

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Posted on Nov 17, 2011 at 06:05 AM

Quoting Searching2007:

Yes,guys must handle rejection,it is true.Often women do play hard to get.So do guys.However,in some cases,the woman is indeed really not interested.So the guy would be better off moving on to another woman who may be.


There you go Searching! If she's not interested, simply move on to the next girl. There are plenty of gorgeous women out there.

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Posted on Nov 17, 2011 at 05:29 AM

Quoting VenusDarkStar:

Well, I disagree, although I concede to the fact that not every woman means "NO" when she says it. I DO! Any further attempts will only agitate me. Furthermore, I do not call men just because they don't contact me. If a man is into me, he will call. And he DOES. ;-)


Venus Dark Star, I always go on completly how the Chemistry is, and I agree that I also wouldnt call a man, I would wait for him to call me, However he has to have enough conversation and interest, for him to even get my number before he can call.  But I wouldn't go on a date just for a free dinner. One thing I really like is a generous nature, because I am generous too, I have my own idea of what I want, and certain men can absolutly melt me. so it isnt about money that I like generosity in a man. If he was hard up we could go for a glass of wine or a coffee, I would be embarrassed if he thought I was just after a free meal and demanded that I pay, [I do offer] Like HPD is always stipulating. I had that experience once, and put some money on the table and left. without even eating my food. Trouble with alot of men is they think we are all the same, HPD seems to have that idea too. Treat eveyone individualy. HPD is disagreeing alot about my comments ......they know it all it seems. Lol! I am just a Woman. Ha Ha Ha! Integrity and good manners go a long way in my book. and those two things are something that attracts me. Where are all the other Womens comments? If HPD is such an expert on women, shouldnt they be studying his blogs?. Lets see how many comment.


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Posted on Nov 16, 2011 at 11:25 PM

Yes,guys must handle rejection,it is true.Often women do play hard to get.So do guys.However,in some cases,the woman is indeed really not interested.So the guy would be better off moving on to another woman who may be.

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Posted on Nov 16, 2011 at 08:24 PM

Quoting HotProfDude:

Dearest Litenbrite: I personally think it's weak for a man to ask permission to speak to a woman. Doing so immediately disempowers him. Far better for a man to approach a woman and say, "I can't talk long, but I noticed you from the other end of the bar, and I wouldn't feel right if I left this place without saying 'hi' and introducing myself." That's the way it's done. I can't stand it when someone asks, "Can I ask you a question?" GOD that freaking irks me! JUST ASK!!!


HPD That's obvious and I've always used the idea that faint heart never won fair maiden when first trying my luck.My idea though is that in that first approach you need to make her realise that you (honestly) think that there's something special about her and that's why you're asking her to let you buy her a drink and (hopefully) have a chat.But instead of I can't talk long there's nothing to lose by saying I've got all the time in the world or at least until closing time.lol. BUT.What happens after that point is all down to luck and if she says no thanks,and/or you're not her type and/or she's already spoken for (more than likely)then she means it and there's nothing to be gained,and possibly (a lot) of trouble involved,by saying something like 'we'll see' or 'I'll win you over'.

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Posted on Nov 16, 2011 at 01:56 PM

Well, I disagree, although I concede to the fact that not every woman means "NO" when she says it. I DO! Any further attempts will only agitate me. Furthermore, I do not call men just because they don't contact me. If a man is into me, he will call. And he DOES. ;-)

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Posted on Nov 16, 2011 at 08:13 AM

Quoting litenbrite:

HPD, OMG I agree with this one. Very often a Woman is interested but doesn't want to be a quick pick up. A good approach is " Can I talk to you?" Whenever I get approached like this it feels friendly, and having had a little conversation, you can find out a little more about each other. and if you want to pursue it more the door is open.



Dearest Litenbrite: I personally think it's weak for a man to ask permission to speak to a woman. Doing so immediately disempowers him. Far better for a man to approach a woman and say, "I can't talk long, but I noticed you from the other end of the bar, and I wouldn't feel right if I left this place without saying 'hi' and introducing myself." That's the way it's done. I can't stand it when someone asks, "Can I ask you a question?" GOD that freaking irks me! JUST ASK!!!

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Posted on Nov 16, 2011 at 06:37 AM

Litenbrite I don't agree with it at all.It seems obvious to me that any bloke,or woman,who can relate to that,has never actually experienced,or dished out,'real' rejection of the type where the girl makes it clear,in no uncertain terms,that she's not interested at all,under any circumstances,and just wants to be left alone to look for whichever bloke it is who's face fits into whatever her type is.So far I've always been the bloke who's rejected never the one who's face fits so I think I'm qualified by now to know the meaning of rejection. I've known plenty of girls who I've fancied that never tried to 'dodge a kiss' just so long as it was just the peck on the cheek type but try escalating that to a full on snog and then WW3 would break out with her and/or whoever she could call on for help and if that didn't work probably a call to the police for harassment or maybe even both.lol. Rejection is permanent and means exactly what it says on the tin.Any bloke who thinks otherwise and thinks that it's just 'an unfortunate but necessary part of getting to yes' is treading on very thin ice and had better be ready for some serious 'issues' when he finds out the hard way that he's wrong.LOL. I think you're confusing the idea of 'playing hard to get' with rejection when the two things are entirely different.But the fact is I realised long ago that if a girl doesn't show any interest,regardless of wether it's rejection or just playing hard to get,to at least the same level as I show her,then she isn't worth bothering with anyway and trying to win a girl over in those circumstances is probably likely to be more trouble than it's worth.As I've said though I look on the idea of a girl playing hard to get as just another form of playing games.In which case just as you said you don't like the idea of blokes playing games concerning meeting and dating,I don't like the idea of girls doing it by playing hard to get. HPD I've seen instances where average looking,average earning,working class,middle aged blokes,have pulled teenaged girls,who've given me the cold shoulder as a teenager,in relationships that would get those blokes jail time in most US states. The truth is it's got nothing to do with anything that those blokes did or didn't do.It all depends what's going on in the head of the girl at the time and the chances are,if I was lucky enough now,to find a girl like that,for me,the age thing these days would probably create enough issues and problems alone, with her parents,family,and society in general,to make the issue of rejection or acceptance,by the girl herself,pale into insignificance. The issue of pulling women is more a question of luck than judgement and depends more on what the girl thinks and that's the reason why certain blokes with just average,or even less than average,looks and incomes etc can get the girls while others can't.

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