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Posted on Nov 07, 2011 at 09:20 AM

I see a lot of guys digging themselves into deep holes every time they're dumped by their girlfriend or rejected by a girl that they like or with whom they’ve been involved. They want to know how to win them back, but don't have a clue how to do it. So I decided to share 3 examples in which the advice speaks for itself. Example #1 Earlier this year I met a 48-year-old sexy MILF who was in a 3 year long term relationship. She admitted she was attracted to me and started developing feelings for me. As often happens, things with her boyfriend were turning stale, and in the end she decided to break up with him and pursue a relationship with me. I felt flattered and rather cocky knowing I had just won this girl from her long term boyfriend. Things were going well. She didn’t want to talk to him, and every time he called she brushed him off. Her friends praised me, for she was proud to be with me and things were developing fast. However, her ex-boyfriend suddenly changed his attitude and instead of getting jealous of me or upset over being dumped, he gave us his best wishes, told her there were no hard feelings and he moved on. He started hanging round with his friends more and stopped calling her. After two weeks of not hearing from him she started calling him to check if he was ok and see what he was upto, only to find he was fine and enjoying his free time. Soon she started pushing him to remain friends and asking him to meet up with her. He postponed, cut his calls with her short and even stood her up a few times. Yet she persisted more. All this time I could see it was getting under her skin and that I was losing her affection. I could have been the perfect guy, but the ex-BF had the upper hand and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. Every time he made an excuse not to meet her or ignored her call, she would get uptight and keep moaning about him. Sure enough she told me she wanted him back. She left me and started pursuing him all the time, but he continued backing off. She became obsessed and depressed, wouldn’t look at another guy and even burst out crying if he didn’t answer her calls. Next thing I hear, they’re back together--under HIS terms. He had her in the palm of his hand, even cheated on her! And she still stuck with him and remained loyal. Example #2 I had a few dates with a younger woman some months ago. We didn’t hit it off particularly well, but there was some physical attraction. After the 4th date she sent me a text message telling me she felt no chemistry and we should stop seeing each other. I replied by telling her “You’re right. No hard feelings”. The following day she contacted me again asking if we could give it another try. I told her no, that she was right, that there was no chemistry. then she called me to have a go at me and insult me, then called me a few hours later to apologize. I told her it was no problem, but I was on my way out, so I couldn’t stay and chat. She started sending me flirtatious text messages and emails, suggesting we get together for sex. I ignored them all. Soon I started receiving anonymous calls and text messages (which I suspected and later proved was her). Almost a year later, she still sends me occasional emails asking if I want to meet up. Example #3 A female friend of mine was in a relationship for 2 years with a typical “nice guy.” He’d buy her gifts, pay for her and do anything for her. She flirted with guys in front of him and he’d just sit there like a goof and say nothing. Then she finally accepted that he was “too nice” and decided to break up with him. At first he cried and took it really badly. He confessed his love for her and asked how he could change. Meanwhile she started having sex with another guy in secret. Every time this new guy was mean to her, she’d call her old "nice guy" boyfriend and he’d take her out and buy her gifts etc. Then she’d ignore him for weeks after! the next time she tried to contact her ex-"nice guy" BF, he finally acted like a man. He told her it was over, that he wasn’t interested in being friends any more, and that she should stop calling him. She did the exact opposite and started calling him more. He started ignoring her, and she started getting upset and moaning to her friends about how she regrets leaving him and she was stupid for letting him go. Months have passed and she still tries to contact him. She recently found out he has a new girlfriend and since then she has been crying herself to sleep at night, looking through old photos and listening to their favourite songs. She has said she would take him back within a second, and has beven egged him to give her another chance, but he has refused. CONCLUSION People place higher value what they can’t have or what they fear losing. When you are rejected or dumped, BACK OFF, and make their decision final. Don’t be taken for granted, don’t try to seduce them, and NEVER try to explain or repair mistakes. Don’t try to be friends, and don’t change who you are or put on any acts--just cut her off and get on with your life. If she tries to get in contact, be polite, but indifferent, and don’t give her your time. Your time now is for other things and other people! This is old advice and a golden rule, but hopefully the examples I’ve given have helped illustrate and emphasise this point.

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Posted on Nov 17, 2011 at 06:16 AM

Quoting author:

It seems that every single woman in each scenario made the same fatal error....calling in desperation. Each and every woman relinquished her power and pushed the man further away whenever she called. I've done it both ways, and I've found that it's always best to let him take the wheel. It seems to be hardwired into them...the hunt thing. He may take the woman back, but it will always be on his terms.

I'll go you one better: Whoever is vested least in a relationship has the most power. And it can work both ways, with man and woman.

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Posted on Nov 16, 2011 at 02:09 PM

It seems that every single woman in each scenario made the same fatal error....calling in desperation. Each and every woman relinquished her power and pushed the man further away whenever she called. I've done it both ways, and I've found that it's always best to let him take the wheel. It seems to be hardwired into them...the hunt thing. He may take the woman back, but it will always be on his terms.

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Posted on Nov 11, 2011 at 06:03 PM

You concluded "Don’t try to be friends, and don’t change who you are or put on any acts--just cut her off and get on with your life. If she tries to get in contact, be polite, but indifferent, and don’t give her your time. Your time now is for other things and other people! "

Wow I cannot believe it but I do agree with your summation of the different scenarios you presented.  I recently met a trained tenor from Eastern Europe and we had months of fun online, he sang Rigoletto to me and was absolutely wonderful - I even began to wish we would meet.  As I posted, once Libya was liberated he started berating the West, its politics etc. and suddenly no more common ground existed.  Like you said HPD there was no reason to try to repair anything - the gulf was just too wide.  And the chick you mention sounds like a controlling lady who picked the wrong guy to try to manipulate.

When I first came here I was at the tail end of a 14yr relationship with a man 20 years younger than me.  We have met a couple of times since I told him goodbye and we have coffee, laugh at the past and go our separate ways.  There is nothing that would rekindle that relationship ever.

 


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Posted on Nov 09, 2011 at 11:49 AM

HPD, Us Women are not all alike, Some of us can appreciate a good Man, and not run to someone else for attention. The Man you are refering to probanly is attracted to Women he isnt sure of and will get bored with one he is sure of. Wish there wasn't games and Terms. just Affection and Respect.


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Posted on Nov 09, 2011 at 05:19 AM

HPD all that says to me is that there's too many blokes chasing too few women and too many blokes see it as ok to take someone else's wife or girlfriend and too many women are just hypocrites who moan about dis loyalty in relationships while being no better themselves. I certainly wouldn't want to get involved with any woman who's idea of a 'relationship' is a revolving door policy of whoever she takes a fancy to next amongst her long list of admirers. In your example #1 if she'd have dumped me for another bloke I wouldn't have wanted her back and I'd have told her exactly where to go in no uncertain terms, probably just like the first bloke she had in her younger days probably did.Probably because she's always been on the lookout for a change every 3 years ever since she started dating as a teenager.In which case if it had been me you could keep her you're welcome to her.LOL. I don't know if you've missed something there in what you've written in that example because it's obvious to me,having read it, that she doesn't know the meaning of the word 'loyal' and it's difficult to understand why you think her ex took her back on HIS TERMS considering the circumstances in which he seems to have been weak by wanting her back at all.Maybe you should have come to an agreement with her ex to share her between you for a week at a time each then she wouldn't have had to choose.lol. There's got to be something wrong about a society in which blokes think it's a good thing to take someone else's wife or girlfriend from them and in which women want to just run around with as many different blokes as they can find.All you need to know is contained in the lyrics of Runaround Sue by Dion and the Belmonts. Which is probably the type of advice which the 'nice guy' in example #3 eventually listened to when he rightly,but too politely,told Miss Wrong to 'go away'.If I'd have been him I wouldn't have 'sat there like a goof' while she flirted with other blokes in front of me and I wouldn't have left it so long before I told her and I certainly wouldn't have cried over her at any time although he was obviously more sensible in dumping her than the ex in example #1 was in taking her back.But have you ever thought that as you think that it's better not to be a 'nice guy' with women and she's a friend of yours maybe she's the right woman for you.lol. It would be great to hear tiredchris' opinions about all this.

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