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Posted on Nov 07, 2011 at 07:13 PM

That you have a crush on them?

That you have been thinking about them day and night?

That you see them as the wonderful person that they are?

That your heart races when they get close and you feel on top of the world with every smile and small amounts of time you get to talk with this person?

One could go mad with these feelings being kept inside, not knowing whether they think the same thoughts about you. Might as well get the courage to tell them, but how? I will tell you what I did.

I have had feelings for a sweetheart at the pub and really wanted to tell her but I am very shy when it comes to this stuff so I got creative. At the last minute I made a little christmas gift. I got an empty wine bottle, put some christmas candy in it, and wrote a letter telling my feelings about her, wrapped it in some ribbon, put the cork in, and put some wrapping on the outside. I was so nervouse about giving it to her. I kept going to and from the car trying to get enough courage to go through with it. after about 10 minutes standing in the rain, I went to the pub she works at. She wasn't working that evening so I left it with one of the managers I know. The next time I saw her she had opened it early and told me that it was one of the sweetest gifts/gestures she had ever recieved and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Unfortunately, this was a while ago and nothing has come of it. But, a weight has been lifted off my chest by telling her.

So my question to you all is: How did/would you tell the person of your fancy that you have feelings for them? the more ideas and experiences, the better.


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Posted on Dec 03, 2011 at 03:54 PM

Ah that would be a problem HPD.  My ex- (I told him to move on and get someone else) did find another girlfriend but just cannot cut the chord that joins us - we had 14 years of history.  It has devolved to a  lust thing now and so I do not bother when he calls, am just polite but chose not to see him.  His gf also does not understand that I do not want him and is quite jealous? Go figure.


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Posted on Nov 21, 2011 at 08:17 PM

Quoting helena2006:

Thanks for sharing HPD.  I remember how happy you were the first time you posted that picture and never say never, if you both still care, who knows what might happen?


Well, Once you leave an ex, there's no going back. Besides, I absolutely love the adventure I'm on right now. I want her in my life, but only to a certain degree. She won't tolerate my being with other women.

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Posted on Nov 21, 2011 at 05:16 PM

Thanks for sharing HPD.  I remember how happy you were the first time you posted that picture and never say never, if you both still care, who knows what might happen?

Although some contributors might disagree with me, I see a side to you that you probably do not want mentioned (certainly softer and kinder than you want to let on).  You and I have never agreed about your philosophies but then vive la difference.  There is nothing so boring as always being in agreement.  While you cannot go back it is possible to make a fresh start.........


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Posted on Nov 20, 2011 at 07:41 PM

Quoting helena2006:

HPD that picture of you and your new woman was posted years ago, please update.


My Dearest Helena: Thanks for your concern. The dear lady and I split ways back in 2008. As you can probably ascertain, I can be a very tough person to love. She does still love me, and I still love her and would die for her if my life depended on it. But, as often happens, the relationship soiled because I was a butthead, and the sex got to be mechanical. In Sept. 2009, she was there for me when my mom died, letting me stay at her house for a few days because I was ready to kill my aunt. We stuck together a few months--I needed her, and I think she liked my needing her. But inevitably I went back to my old ways, and it was just too much for her. She gave me the boot. I still talk and text with her semi-regularly, and we even enjoy an occasional Saturday night out (she pays for everything, and I entertain her by summarizing the weak flirtation methods of the many men who approach her). Still love the woman dearly and will always be there for her whenever she needs me. She hates my philosphies on a lot of things, but she knows that she can count on me when life gets tough. She is the only woman whom I felt has ever loved me.

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Posted on Nov 18, 2011 at 11:29 PM

HPD that picture of you and your new woman was posted years ago, please update.


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Posted on Nov 15, 2011 at 09:37 AM

HPD I think it all depends on the type of girl.I think the reason why you're using the erroneous description of a 'dream girl' is because you're confusing the actual fact that they do exist,but it's just a numbers problem of too few of them and too many blokes looking for them,with the erroneous idea that they don't exist. But you're probably right about not bothering with the date at an expensive restaurant because I've seen plenty who fit the description who seem happy with just a burger at Mc Donalds.lol. However I don't think that it's likely that a bloke who's looking for a serious,monogamous relationship,with a girl who's young enough to have a family with,can pull a nice girl,who's looking for the same,if the bloke isn't nice to her in return and in which case the criterea isn't looking to be rewarded with just sex. Whereas the opposite is probably true if the search criterea is just one of looking for a girl who'd reward a bloke with a casual short term 'relationship' for treating her in an indifferent way.It all depends on the type of girl that forms a bloke's search criterea.However there's not much point in looking for the latter type of girl if a bloke wants the former type.But the downside is that there's a good chance that the bloke,who's looking for the former type of girl,might run out of time before he finds/pulls one because that's how bad the numbers problem is.

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Posted on Nov 14, 2011 at 06:48 AM

Quoting jag6000:

HPD I'm just picturing the scene.So just suppose that I've finally got lucky in pulling one of the almost non existent women who fit my search criterea and it's that scenario of dinner for the first date. She walks in and looks stunning dressed in the right outfit which shows all the curves in all the right places.She says how do I look.I say not bad but I've seen a lot better.I then blow my nose and throw the used tissue to her and say do something with this can you.All this before she's even sat down at the table. The question is wether she'll be impressed and take all that as me knowing when to push her away and then sit down waiting to be impressed by my surprise master plan of pre ordering her favourite wine when it eventually arrives.LOL.LOL.


Hey Jag: First point: NEVER take a woman out for dinner on the first date. N-E-V-E-R!! The first encounter should be a 1-hour conversation over coffee at Starbucks, during which time you determine if there's chemistry. No sense wasting your time and money only to figure out that you can't stand her, or vice versa. A casual conversation at Starbucks costs you very little. If you and she don't connect, the only thing you lose out on is $2 for a cup of coffee and an hour of your time. Now, to address your "dream date" with your "dream girl": the ideal scenario you provided likely ain't ever gonna happen. That's just a fantasy of yours. (Not because you're ugly or anything; women just rarely don't dress like that on 1st dates anymore, unless you're a celebrity or unless she knows for a fact that have tons of money, and you're treating her for dinner at a really expensive restaurant, which, in my opinion, is a stupid idea). But let's say it DOES happen. You meet...GASP...the "Girl of your dreams." First off, you have the advantage because if a woman dresses to the hilt for you, she's likely already extremely attracted to you. So would I use the snotrag trick? ABSOLUTELY! Or maybe I would comment how much I like her dress (PUSH), then casually remark that my aunt Mildred wears the same dress (PULL). Your naive perception of romancing women with dinner, flowers, and nice-guy gesturing emanates from the false notion that you'll be rewarded with sex. But most guys at some point in their lives realize that such a perception is false. But with that realization comes a necessary transition into becoming POSTIVELY MASCULINE. Once you choose to unplug from the old fairy tale of nice-guy romanticism, you'll invariably experience a sense of enlightenment and connect to your true inner-masculine self. You realize that all the effort you spent attempting to snag women being a nice guy has been wasted. Now I don;t think you'll agree with me, which is fine. You can keep relying on Hollywood, etc. to make you think that you're gonna snag a beautiful woman by being a nice guy.

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Posted on Nov 12, 2011 at 07:44 AM

HPD I'm just picturing the scene.So just suppose that I've finally got lucky in pulling one of the almost non existent women who fit my search criterea and it's that scenario of dinner for the first date. She walks in and looks stunning dressed in the right outfit which shows all the curves in all the right places.She says how do I look.I say not bad but I've seen a lot better.I then blow my nose and throw the used tissue to her and say do something with this can you.All this before she's even sat down at the table. The question is wether she'll be impressed and take all that as me knowing when to push her away and then sit down waiting to be impressed by my surprise master plan of pre ordering her favourite wine when it eventually arrives.LOL.LOL.

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Posted on Nov 11, 2011 at 08:28 AM

Hey NG: Generally speaking, I rarely TELL a woman anything that she longs to hear, for just about every time a man compliments a woman, she loses respect for him. Far better to first invoke passion (ANY kind of passion: anger, etc) and inferiority then follow with an unexpected gift or compliment. Example: During dinner, pull out a tissue and blow your nose, then extend the tissue to her, as if you expect her to dispose of it for you. If she expresses incredulity and refuses to take what you're giving, roll your eyes and smile, as if to say, "You women don't know your place anymore." Then impress the hell out of her when the waiter pours her a glass of her favorite wine (you called ahead and instructed the waitstaff to surprise her with the wine). Gotta know when to push them away and when to pull them in.

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Posted on Nov 08, 2011 at 10:01 PM

NG, when I "met" my current love on another dating site, I almost passed him by because he was so far away, but something made me message him because he'd been looking at my profile, and I wanted to be sure that it wasn't anything he read that put him off, so I made the first contact, but made it easy for him to retreat. I didn't expect a response, but there he was, saying he had no idea why he didn't write to me. We've been talking every day since then, through every medium available...and he's planning a visit for December. While neither of us have dared to use the "L" word, his frequent texts and phone calls speak volumes. I guess what I'm trying to say is that ACTIONS speak louder than words. I think your gift to this lady was very thoughtful...how creative! OK, so nothing came of it, but I learned a long time ago that there can only be regret by withholding expressions of love, and at least you were brave enough to try to let her know. So you didn't win that time, but maybe it will make you even more brave the next time around.

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Posted on Nov 08, 2011 at 05:34 AM

It's all part of the same issue in the topic beyond the comfort zone.At best,if you're (very) lucky,she'll feel the same way,at worse you could end up getting the typical types of rejection in which she lets you know in no uncertain terms that she's not interested and wants you to leave her alone,or even reported for harassment and stalking.It really all depends on what's going on in the woman's head.If your face fits she'll thank you for the effort and start a long conversation and hopefully she'll then accept the offer of a date,if not then that worse case scenario is a possibility. What you have to ask yourself is it worth the risk if a girl hasn't shown any signs of being interested first. However in the case you've described there she sounds like one of those women who are somewhere in between in that you didn't get the girl but you got rejected in a good way which most girls in my experience don't often do.Although having said that it would help in those cases if that type of girl would actually also tell the bloke that she's not interested so he knows where he stands.

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