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Posted on Nov 06, 2011 at 08:47 PM

Very recently, I met someone very special on another dating site. I live in Los Angeles, and he is a 31 year old career Army man in North Carolina. Since we met, the texting, chats and phone calls have been regular and frequent. We share a lot in common and while there is mild flirtation through all mediums, we are mostly talking about how our day went and things we would love to do together. He even told his twin brother about me. So a few days ago, he started talking about coming to see me, and when I asked him when, he said he was targeting December. If that sounds vague, you have to realize that this man does exactly what he says he's going to do. If he says he's calling at 6 PM, that's when I will hear from him. One time, he texted me to ask if he could call earlier. There is no doubt in my mind that he will visit me, but I'm just wondering if I should sleep with him when he flies across country to see me. Do all these phone calls, texts and chatting count as dates? Right now I know he's seeing me as relationship material, or he would not have told his brother. I hate playing silly girl games, but I also want to make sure he is challenged enough to want to see me again, if that makes any sense. You'd think that someone of my age would know all the answers, but I want to do this right because I really like him, and see him in my life for a long time. Thoughts?

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Posted on Nov 22, 2011 at 07:40 PM

Oh WOW...I haven't visited my own blog in awhile! Thanks everybody! I'm not saying I agree on all counts....for example the one who said we need to have our first disagreement before sex? That's utter nonsense. We are both grownups and of course we don't agree on everything...viva la difference! HPD...I don't often like what you say, and you calling me a MILF isn't making that any better...even though I know you don't regard it as an insult, the word makes me feel violated and dirty. YUCK!!! That being said, Joe would never expect me to travel halfway to a strange city when he can fly for free (Army officer). And assuming the first visit works out, I will be the one flying next time....so fair is fair. And to the one with the long reply...thank you for your concern, but Joe is not married. He calls me at 9 PM his time every week night because he wants to hear my voice before he goes to bed (he has to rise at 4:30 AM) He texts me during the day because he's at work at Fort Bragg...and he messages me on Yahoo as soon as he gets home. He does it so regularly that it's become his routine...must be that military training. ;-) I've had my share of liars and scammers...and he has not raised even one red flag yet. Thank you all for your replies...I know it comes from the heart and I appreciate it. Joe and I will be just fine now. ;-)

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Posted on Nov 16, 2011 at 10:34 PM

Just my opinion but i think you need to make it through your first disagreement before you make love to someone. All people can be nice, its when the problems or even a small argument comes along that really determine if you can work things out. If your looking for a good time then fine but if you really want to know where his heart is it will show when you have problems. Thats what counts. In my opinion i would wait until you both have passed this test to see if you are really compatible.

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Posted on Nov 08, 2011 at 09:41 PM

Helena...it's not about a "respect me in the morning" thing, because I think he and I will if it's special enough to fall madly into bed. But this is a challenge since he is on the other side of the country, rather than someone who could just run into as I take a walk. Long distance relationships are different, as you well know. We build up expectations and secure a bond through a variety of electronic communications, and feel that we know each other on the inside so well that we assume that we will feel the same in person. So yes...I suppose I will know when we are face to face. It's just so scary to think that the person you thought you liked so much...maybe something even deeper...wouldn't be into you once he shares breathing space. I know I'm being silly...just venting I guess. Thanks everyone....I feel better now. :-)

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Posted on Nov 08, 2011 at 01:52 PM

Quoting NG2005:

I guess I would agree with litenbrite on this one. I thought about how different of a situation this is and what I might do if I were in it. If I met a gal for the first time and we were hitting things off, I would take it slow. I remember a girl I met at one of the pubs over here got mad at me because I didn't kiss her the first night we met, ha! But, seeing as you two have already been chatting and getting to know each other, that "first meeting" is kind of already done. I would still be a little bit cautious about sleeping with that person, but not against it. I would still be up for the kissy/huggy/cuddly stuff and if things are going really well when the passion bug bites, go with the flow ;) hope that helps a little.

NG what the heck! c'mon Man...we men CONSTANTLY think about sex! Why "take it slow"? Nice guys finish last for a reason.


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Posted on Nov 08, 2011 at 01:50 PM

Quoting helena2006:

VDS you will have the answer to that question when you physically meet for the first time.  I did not have sex with my  new man on our first date since we are still "getting-to-know' each other" and I did not mind.  It could have turned passionate in a flash. I did not however feel any of that angst I had as a young female , the "will he respect me in the morning bs" LOL.  

Well, Dearest Helena, less he waits til the last night, the man can't up and leave the next morning, or use the excuse that he "...has to get up early tomorrow morning." And, just my opinion, but if he waits till the last night to initiate sex, he's likely not gonna get it. He should initiate sex within the first few hours of meeting her. And, he should test VDS' interest level to see she's willing to sleep with him BEFORE he even bothers boarding the plane and traveling 3,000 plus miles to see her. Initiate some level of phone sex, just to see if there's any sexual chemistry.


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Posted on Nov 07, 2011 at 10:07 PM

Venus, You will both know when you meet in person if there is the physical chemistry to sleep together. If either of you, or both, do not feel it, then put him on the couch. If you both feel it, then go for it!

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Posted on Nov 07, 2011 at 08:17 PM

VDS you will have the answer to that question when you physically meet for the first time.  I did not have sex with my  new man on our first date since we are still "getting-to-know' each other" and I did not mind.  It could have turned passionate in a flash. I did not however feel any of that angst I had as a young female , the "will he respect me in the morning bs" LOL.  


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Posted on Nov 07, 2011 at 07:46 PM

NG and Litenbrite....Those were my thoughts, but with all the online "relationship help" out there, it's so confusing! For the first time in a long time, I feel like I want to make sure he wants to come back for more. And in my experience, as well as things I've read, sex doesn't create the same bond that women feel...it's more about the hunt for the guys. I guess I'm afraid of taking his fun away too soon. LOL I know that this is a good guy, so whether there is sex or not, he will still come around and want more...but I guess for once I want to be appreciated as something he had to work very hard to get. I think, given his military background, that he will see me as just one more challenge. But I still wonder if I'll fold. LOL

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Posted on Nov 07, 2011 at 06:51 PM

I guess I would agree with litenbrite on this one. I thought about how different of a situation this is and what I might do if I were in it. If I met a gal for the first time and we were hitting things off, I would take it slow. I remember a girl I met at one of the pubs over here got mad at me because I didn't kiss her the first night we met, ha! But, seeing as you two have already been chatting and getting to know each other, that "first meeting" is kind of already done. I would still be a little bit cautious about sleeping with that person, but not against it. I would still be up for the kissy/huggy/cuddly stuff and if things are going really well when the passion bug bites, go with the flow ;) hope that helps a little.


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Posted on Nov 07, 2011 at 08:15 AM

If the guy is traveling cross-country to see you, he deserves more than dinner and a conversation! And I agree with your hunch: if you don't sleep with him, he'll likely not come back. And why should he? How many guys would spend the money and time to risk meeting a woman thousands of miles away? I have equal parts admiration and pity for the man. I'm sure there are tons of local women that he could meet--but, as they say, "Only a fool looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart." VDS you are indeed a sexy-looking MILF, but I'm thinking you must have one heck of a sexy voice and/or email dialogue going with this guy. If it were me, I would have to be 100% sure that I was going to sleep with you, and the farthest I would fly is Omaha--each of us would pay a fair share for expenses, hotel, etc. The way it stands now, you have nothing to lose, and he has everything to lose. He's willing to travel thousands of miles to see you, yet you're still not sure if he should get to sleep with you. While I admire him for taking a chance, he should do the more sensible thing by making YOU do some of the work, i.e. invest YOUR time and money and travel to a halfway point. That would also likely make you more apt to sleep with him.

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Posted on Nov 07, 2011 at 02:46 AM

Hello Venus, Its strange but you can really build a relationship on the phone. and when you meet you feel closeness and not strangers at all. So you will get a feel for this when he arrives, and he is traveling a very long way to see you. Then go with the flow, Passion can sometimes just take over, and its very hard with a long distance relationship to not make the most of it when you do meet. I am sure he will not be able to resist your charms. If he stays with you and you have had daily contact it is so different to just having met.


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