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Came by to see if there is anything new & exciting... Posted on Jun 25, 2014 at 09:53 PM

In fact everything around here seems to be like an airport that doesn't have much traffic and you just are waiting for some sort of activity to occur... And it doesn't appear to be the case so you move on.

 

Anyway, hope that everyone is finding their suitors in life.

Old Butch Posted on Mar 01, 2012 at 07:13 PM
Old Butch John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called "pullets", and ten roosters, whose job it was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time, so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result...The judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well. Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making: who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.
Feb 29 2012 Sadie Hawkins Day Posted on Feb 29, 2012 at 06:41 PM
NOT one marriage proposal put forth by any lady today??? Am I olde meat?
One great comeback Posted on Feb 24, 2012 at 08:11 AM
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility ..... Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?' A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.' Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?' A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.' Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?' A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.' Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?' A: 'Yes sir, we do!' Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?' A: 'Yes, sir, ... I do.' Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?' A: 'Yes, sir.' Q: 'Now, ... Why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?' A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.' The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
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Dog & Cat Mandate for your pets. Posted on Feb 22, 2012 at 07:14 PM
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY. FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT’S ALSO A TRUE STORY The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: (1) They live here....you don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it “fur”-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children...
I can read this can you??? Posted on Feb 21, 2012 at 03:50 PM
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it. The mind is a terrible thing to waste... Drink top shelf booze only!!!
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The Maid in America Posted on Feb 18, 2012 at 07:42 PM
The Maid One day the maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?' Maria: 'Well, there are three reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.' Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?' Maria: your husband say so.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.' Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?' Maria: your husband did.' Wife: 'Oh.' Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.' Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?' Maria: 'No... the gardener did.' Wife: 'So how much do you want?'
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Mayan prediction Posted on Feb 16, 2012 at 11:03 PM
Lets just assume that on December 21, 2012 the Mayan prediction rings true...? The end is near and we are all effen-ucked! Where are you going to go and with whom. What do you expect to be doing? How will you enjoy the last precious moments before the end of life as we know it? Will you pay your bills? Would you pick up the phone and make amends with someone special? Why not be as sexy as I would want you to be? Where should we go for the beginning of the end my lovely? What can I do for you in addition to holding you, never letting go of you go and being everything that you need? Let me know what I can get for you to drink as we watch it all unfold together... With love, Gotcha thinkin'
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Huh??? Posted on Feb 09, 2012 at 01:29 PM
No wonder my love life is in the bidet... All I get looking at my profile are older guys...? Why do you suppose that is, maybe its because my a$$ is too fat or something?
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I love everything about Canada... Eh/Aay! Posted on Feb 09, 2012 at 01:21 PM
You know you're from Canada when ... You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. The mosquitoes have landing lights. You have more kilometres on your snow blower than your car. You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one metre above ground. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday. You head south to go to your cottage. You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck. You know which leaves make good toilet paper. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making. You find -40C a little chilly. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorrels. You can play road hockey on skates. You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada". You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends I LOVE Canadian people and their culture.
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Honestly honey... Posted on Feb 08, 2012 at 12:13 PM
A wonderful caring man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to YOU?"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our golf balls into a field of cattle. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. "I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow's fanny. Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey honey, this sure looks like yours!" I don't remember much after that."
Roger and Jenny Posted on Feb 02, 2012 at 07:54 PM
Roger , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old . Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger, Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.' Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here already?' The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages. PS.. Have I wriiten this to you already?
I know but... Posted on Jan 19, 2012 at 10:56 PM
In this Presidential election Air Force One will be getting some heavy mileage this campaign and I know a Boeing 747 is a wide body but or should I say 'Butt?'
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An Italian Mother Posted on Jan 12, 2012 at 10:36 PM
Mrs. Rossi comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye? Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates." About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, said Anthony. "But I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote an email: Dear Mama, I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; also I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Your Loving Son , Anthony Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa which read... Dear son, I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. Your Loving Mama Moral: Never Bulla Shitah you Mama
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Shhhh. Posted on Jan 12, 2012 at 10:27 PM
Sooooo, nothing is being discussed here tonite so being the kind of worthless guy I am, I decided to get y'all to laugh...
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Thank you for the love Posted on Dec 07, 2011 at 10:32 AM
Been away doing the same old and when I saw some very kind emails from two very special ladies I felt so good by the kindness of wonderful wholesome friends. A great big heartfelt thanx to 'The Lite of my life' & The Pacific Northwest's greatest treasure' Helena for all that you do! Muah... This is what I have become.
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Pray for our Japanese brethren Posted on Mar 13, 2011 at 09:26 PM
The Earthquake, the Tsunami, the 230+ aftershocks... What horror, what suffering, what almighty power unleashed... My prayers as well as the millions of others who pray for the Japanese people as well as ourselves... Are the prophesies becoming real?
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When does the insanity stop? Posted on Sep 03, 2009 at 05:55 AM
A cataclysmic thought just occurred to me... Why is it that so many of us have been through multiple or failed relationships? Why did we allow it to fail? Why did we enter into something so important, so vital and yet it died on the vine like old fruit withering and rotting? Why did we cheat on our partner or were we the one was was cheated on? What could have been is just a lingering thought and as the years go by empty as an abandoned grain silo... What immediate hopes are there for an enduring relationship, a bond that transcends all else. At a later point in life, does that still remain a viable option? Can we ever truly love again and walk through the portal of bliss? Will we know the true answers of what mankind truly seeks and above all else desires? Oh the past mistakes, so many lovers, romantic love partners, the friends who have come and gone and still we just go on and on like ants in procession... What is and where will the final destination of the heart take us? Can we go on once again and face yet another dissapointment knowing that the glass could be half full as well? Will the best love relationship be one that just stimulates momentarily like say occurs on the phone without warmth, passion, or any semblance of human interaction? Will a man be substituted by a toy as an ideal soulmate? Will the internet porn videos satisfy a man for his five minutes of pleasure and accepted as rational human behaviour...? Will I just resign myself to be solomente? Watching yet another South Florida sunset alone and seeing other lovers happy and content, secretly longing for that one special woman whom I can finally give up my entire essence, my heart, body and soul after all these futile years of misery and anguish? What a waste a life is when you marry the wrong person, the grief, the wreckage, the hatred, the misery, the evil of inflicting B.S. upon each other... Too many young couples get caught up in the machinations of 'Big Business' which is the marriage industry... If unsuccessful then they get eaten by an even bigger fish the divorce industry which to me is the evil empire... So I vent wondering when I just might find solace and harmony in the long march to uncover that special event horizon of sorts... Will I ever be on the glidepath to her as she too is walking barefoot along the oceans edge hoping that serendipity finds us on the same collision course as myself...? And so I march on in anticipation of that far fetched possibility of one day finding peace and contentment with my lady.
Mr. Ed. Posted on Mar 01, 2009 at 10:58 PM
Oh how I miss the simplicity of another time... When I was just a wee lad and everyone came over for parties, I'd flirt with the old ladies... I was always trying to finagle a peek up the womens skirts, getting absolutely nowhere, all the while I was hearing a familiar jingle... A horse is a horse of course of course... and no one can talk to a horse of course, that is of course unless the horse is the famous Mr. Ed... Now that horse could have had his way with any woman... His smooth swave elegant approach and he was afterall... hung like a horse...