WHY DONT THE WOMEN HERE ANSER Romance community Forward to friends

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 29, 2005 at 03:48 PM

    SLIMFELLOW write:
    The opportunity to judge a person by their personality first, which is an initial impression that many I think will embrace. Although this is open to dishonesty and abuse it can be refreshing to see a relationship blossom like that.

    I snipped this tiny piece of this astute member's post in order to remind others that we ought to sometimes look beyond skin and make-up when we make that first encounter.

    Sometime back on the board, a young member blasted another member as being "old" and "ugly". Newsflash! If we are lucky enough to live out our lifespans, we all will be old. Even that little "Hottie" who felt it necessary to point that out to one lady who was 50 years old.

    For those of you who embrace the physical charms of a mate, you can also embrace a mate for having all of the true qualities that make up an authentic relationship--one which can potentially be mutually satisfying.

    Married for 16 years to a woman who was physically beautiful, ended up in divorce, simply because I allowed myself to be drawn to her physicality rather than her spirituality--in which case, was sorely lacking. We met at 24 and are now 41 years old. Alone. Not speaking. And sadly, there is a child who doesn't see her daddy as a result.

    I wish not to rain on the parade of those who cherish the tight tushy, six-pack abs, and georgeous sun tans. Heck, I cherished it to the point of ruining my life.

    Personality is the sum of who we are. Looks ade, we all will be wrinkled one day and I personally cannot wait until all of my hair turns gray, and I notice that I cannot move as fast as I used to. I cherish who I am. If you don't like it, fine. It will save many of us a bunch of time.

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 26, 2005 at 03:24 PM

    Right now, there is no photo because I have none suitable, and no scanner or digital camera.
    But I have to add, the occasional response that I get that someone wont even talk/write to me because they haven't seen me. Well, I'm not sure I want to meet someone that obsessed with appearances. I may not post one when I can.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 26, 2005 at 07:36 AM

    I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one, as far as the photos go. I don't post my photo simply because I don't want to. However, once we get to know each other better then I will send one to the specific person I'm getting to know at their request. But as far as any and everyone viewing my photo, I don't think so!
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 25, 2005 at 08:29 PM

    There is something you have to understand. People do not trust anymore. There are some crazy people out there and some weird profiles. If people could be honest with each other. Then maybe people would answer. Plus you have to be a member which I was but not anymore too answer. I am looking for someone to hang out with and make friends not just sex, which most people are looking for here.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 25, 2005 at 04:52 PM

    About photos. I had mine up when I was actively seeking an online connection. I am now mainly just posting now, unless I change my mind, in which case I will put up my 5 photo retrospective of how one ought not to look like at age 41!

    However, let me throw caution to the wind. Many of the female profiles with pictures looking like they came from a magazine shoot are, exactly that. Some very bored and sick people think it is fun to receive a whole slew of responses, using what are obviously fake pictures from either another site or clips from an actual mag. I reported two of them myself since I found the url they used and AgeMatch tossed them.

    Moral? None. Well, okay. Don't judge a book by its cover, especially when it might not be the cover of the book you're reading after all.

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 24, 2005 at 11:49 PM

    Yeah, I totally agree about the photos. What could these people be thinking?

    When I see a profile with no photo, I make one of three assumptions: The first is that the advertiser is putting the least amount of effort possible into his ad, so he probably isn't very serious. The second is that he's physically unattractive or lying about his looks. Third is the possibility that he's trying to conceal his identity from friends and/or family members because he's cheating on someone or embarassed about the type of partner he's seeking. Since any of the above scenarios would be a deal breaker for me, I don't even click on a profile if there's no photo with it.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 24, 2005 at 03:56 PM

    For me, its not the matter of women not answering. Rather, its those who use this as a "general" dating site and do not keep with the sporit of the theme of this place ("Where inter-generation datings are most welcome!").
    ...or women who think of an "older man" as someone 2 -3 years their senior.
    Oh, and the lack of members who post their photo -- maybe only what, 20% have pics up?

    Anyway, just my thoughts...
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 24, 2005 at 03:58 AM

    Since my other comment ALSO seems to have vanished now, I will repeat my answer to the original questioner. I can't speak for every woman here, but when I create a personal ad I clearly indicate the age group, body type, gender and location of my desired partner. If an advertiser has his picture up and seems to be in the ballpark, then I'm happy to write back - that's just good manners - but courtesy should work both ways, and I think anyone who totally ignores a girl's preferences, or fails to read her profile before writing, is rudely wasting her time and his own.

    My advice to ANYONE seeking a mate online (regardless of gender or persuasion) is:

    1. Post a photo with your ad.
    2. Spell-check your messages.
    3. Be more careful & realistic about the people to whom you are writing, rather than just sending the same bland email to every hottie on the site.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 23, 2005 at 02:59 PM

    Thanks, Charmed! The string was actually started in response to a post which has now been deleted, in which "Dr. Kinsey" suggested that the bi women he sees on dating sites only seem to be looking for other women, so they might as well just call themselves lesbians, in an effort not to confuse or entice the men. I pointed out that if the site had a mutual-match feature, or a better search interface we wouldn't have this problem and besides, many bi women like myself ARE looking for males! Somewhere along the way, Dr. K's original post disappeared, so this message thread is now a bit confusing :-)
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 23, 2005 at 12:15 PM

    I AGREE! That was very well put. I've been in a relationship with a Bi-female
    and had no thoughts of her leaving me for a woman.However...we did get into 3-somes,ect!!
    I think Bi-sexuals have the best of both worlds!
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 21, 2005 at 02:12 PM

    I would love to talk to you, I think you have a lot of beauty. Can you email me.

    Richard from the UK.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 21, 2005 at 01:18 PM

    Hi guys and girls!! Chelsea here! Im just here to get to know people and have fun all at the same time. So if anyone wants to chat about sex or meet up then im your gal. Im so much fun check out my profile.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 18, 2005 at 02:51 PM

    Hi cindi,

    I want to let you know if you need someone to talk with, you can always count on me.
    Hope we talk again soon.

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 13, 2005 at 09:40 PM

    Wow, this is turning into a long string, lol. What I was trying to say is that gays and straights alike often hesitate to date a bisexual, because they are afraid he or she will start craving the other gender and cheat on them. Swingers and experimenters who call themselves "bi-curious" are just making the situation worse. Not every bisexual is non-monogamous, but it can sure look that way to the rest of the world. Because so many people have fears about us, I prefer to state my orientation up front and let anyone who has a problem with it steer clear. I've been out for years and I'm not into cheating OR threesomes, but the LBGT community is a big part of my life, so even when I'm seeking a man for a monogamous relationship, I don't call myself straight, because I want a boyfriend who understands and accepts my history and identity, who isn't afraid of my bisexuality and who can hang out with my gay and bi friends without feeling uncomfortable.

    I agree with you though, that if I were just seeking a guy (or girl) for sex, my orientation really wouldn't matter.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 13, 2005 at 10:10 AM

    I think we still have a non sequiter here. IF a guy who is BI wants a woman, as you say, then WHAT does he plan on doing with her? I guess if a BI guy wants to meet BI girl there could be 'hope'{?} down the road for them long term. But, I don't see why the bother? If someone wants someone for a Relationship then THAT person {male or female} would be the ONE for them. Otherwise, it just a lot of philandering on both sides! There would'nt be any NEED for a 'Relationship'.
    I would have to ASK, in that 'relationship' {Whether I'm the male OR female) "Am I just FILLER for when you're not going the other way?" Then, you're right back at pick up anything, anytime! Maybe I'm just the jealous or posessive type, WHOMEVER one is seeking would have to be more 'generous' with their intimate partner than I could! Or maybe thats why I dont patronize Prosties. It's not just about the physical which can be had anywhere. Sex with someone I care about seems much more fulfilling. I don't think I could be a willing 'second bananna' for someone. Maybe I'm the odd person in the 21st Century.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 13, 2005 at 03:11 AM

    Well, let's reverse it and pretend we are talking about a guy who is bi. According to your reasoning, any time he advertises for a female partner he should just call himself straight, because he's going to be screwing her the same way a straight guy would, so what's the difference?

    Unfortunately, non-disclosure may work fine for a one night stand, but it doesn't quite cut it when it comes to serious relationships. Even if a bi guy is the monogamous type, there are many straight women who wouldn't knowingly date him, because they'd be uncomfortable with his sexual identity. The same prejudices and fears exist among gay and bi women, regardless of what they do together in bed.

    Frankly, these fears are often justified, because a lot of bi and "bi-curious" girls already have boyfriends and are just looking for a quick fling on the side, so it seems like the best policy is for everyone to just be honest and upfront from the start.

    FYI, I myself am a bi woman who is presently advertising for a MALE, so there goes your theory on that! :-)
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 12, 2005 at 09:58 PM

    I agree with most of what you said Inferno. But I'm not calling it 'lying' just POINTLESS to other than the women involved. Maybe because Im not bi or gay I DON'T get it. But, I ONLY see BI ads with JUST WANT WOMAN only! So there is really something CONFUSED about being lesbian or BI, I 'd think! If a woman wants a woman, and most of these sites are MORE about dating and sex than LTRs, and IF they want women ONLY, it doesnt make any DIFFERENCE I can see.. Bi or lesbian! Do BIs, or for that matter, lesbians DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT WHEN TOGETHER than the other? I'm NOT putting down a person sexual orientation, there is enough of that. Most WOMEN object to the age difference I seek, but, its My preference. Regardless of whether I find an 18 year old or 24 years old,though, in the end, She gets the SAME thing as from a guy 10, 15 0r 20 years younger except,well, with a BIT MORE enthusiasm I've mustered up over the wait!!!
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 12, 2005 at 08:44 PM

    I agree with you, "Dr. Kinsey" that AgeMatch doesn't have a lot of younger women looking for older guys. Since I'm looking for younger guys, I haven't experienced the same problems you have, but my sympathies are with you in this regard. As for the orientation thing, I must respectfully disagree with you there. I'm bisexual myself and I think it would be silly and dishonest for me to place an ad in which I claimed to be either straight or lesbian. For me, bisexuality isn't just about the people I want to meet - it's about who I am. Among other things, being bi affects my choice of friends, where I like to hang out and what physical and mental attributes I find attractive in a partner. Many lesbians aren't into dating bisexuals, and many bi women aren't looking for a lesbian, so lying about our respective sexualities hardly seems to be the solution to what is really just an interface problem.

    Simply put, the AgeMatch website has a crappy search program. If we could view only the members who were seeking someone in our gender and age group, then the problems you've referred to wouldn't be an issue.
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 12, 2005 at 03:36 PM

    Just be sure and get to mine..
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 11, 2005 at 04:38 AM

    On the other hand, there really is no reason for anyone here to be flexible. An ad is an ad. It speaks to what is wanted--sort of like a 'Situation Wanted' ad in a local paper. Why should someone compromise, especially if they are paying for the ad? Or if they are extremely specific in who they are looking for and say this more than once in the profile?

    If I am going to sit and write to every woman who is requesting to meet a 26 year old, athletic male who earns $200,000 and up, I will be in for a long wait, LOL! If I choose to do that, I am simply not taking this seiously enough. Actually, my criteria, by nature, isn't easy for me, for I am looking for a much younger woman. When my profile is activated, with a photo, I do receive responses, but I know that my partner has to want an "older guy". Plain and simple.

    If I remain realistic about who I am and what I am, which is my practice, I still receive replies since I am only writing to those criteria to which I fit. On a rare occassion, I may write to a woman who I may not "match" with on her end, but my note would be like "Hi, I know I am a bit older than what you stated you are looking for, but I did want to chat with you because....Would you be okay with bending your profile requirements?"

    If not, it is completely fine and I took a gamble. I would write a short note back, thanking that person for taking the time to respond, in any event (Yes, most women do). If so, I consider the attempt successful, soley on the basis of making an initial contact.

    Bless You All!

Follow - email me when people comment