Why are men and sublety so disparate? Romance community Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Apr 21, 2005 at 05:38 PM


    Hi All

    Ok, I know we're all generally aware that Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, but why do us guys always tend to drag the conversation to the lowest denominator?

    Women, being the empathic species that they are will allude to how much they love life, what their likes and dislikes are, and at least half of the female profiles here will use the phrase 'soulmate' or looking for 'the one'... Whereas us guys tend to think with our loins - blokes' profiles advertising for 'superficial relationships' (and there really are some) just don't do us lads justice!

    I realise that in today's world there's a great deal of 'Don't ask, don't get', but c'mon lads, do we really think that a message entitled 'Any Women In Need Of Some Lovin' is going to make the ladies swoon with passion?

    It makes me embarrassed to be male to think that us guys have lost the subtleties of relationships; after all, isnt the entire reason most of us are here is to feel needed, to be with someone, and to enjoy the more sensual side of life?? Are we really going to achieve that with the line "Hey babe, wanna get lucky..."??

    Or have I got it wrong? Do the women here really go for the direct bull-in-a-china-shop approach?

    Come on guys, after tens of thousands of years spent escaping from the cave we can surely be more empathic, caring, and sensitive can't we?
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  • View author's info Posted on Aug 17, 2008 at 04:54 PM


    I HAVE SENT MANY WINKS WITH: YOU ARE CARING AND SWEET, HAPPY HOLIDAY, WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND, WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU, AND GOTTEN NO RESPONSE, BUT: WHEN I SEND THEM A KISS OR TELL THEM THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL OR SEXY I GET MANY MORE RESPONSES, I GUESS THEY WANT TO KNOW HOW I REALLY FEEL, AND "GET DOWN TO BUSINESS" I TRIED BEING GENTLEMANLY AND NOT WINKING WHEN I DIDN'T "FIT" THE MATCH PROFILE, BUT WHAT THE HEY! JUST SEND THEM A KISS! IT'S FREE AND MIGHT MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL OR CHEER THEM UP AND MAYBE YOU ARE THAT NEEDLE IN THE HAYSTACK THEY HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR OR DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YOU EXISTED OR THAT THEY MIGHT BE ATTRACTED TO YOU! NOTHING VENTURED NOTHING GAINED!
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 19, 2005 at 10:11 AM


    I agree with you, however I don't think the tastelessness doesn't just sit on the guys shoulders. Women just have a different way of putting things. How many of you have read a womans profile that said they want a "generous" man or wanted "$omeone to take them out and $hower them with gift$"? First thing that pops in my head is that they are trying to skirt prostitution laws. To me this make some of them no better than the guys that message you with "what are you wearing".

    Assuming that a guy is just out for sex, or a woman is a gold digger though is a bad habit to get into. One of the reasons many of us can be involved in a relationship with an age difference is that we dont stereotype and that we can accept people as individuals and not classify them as a group.

    What we want as individuals is widely diverse and hard to put into little text boxes. Your best bet is to get to know them better, and see if they are the person you are looking for.
  • View author's info Posted on Jun 12, 2005 at 12:47 PM



    theeinferno write:
    I think part of the problem is that males (especially very young ones) have been trained in the courtship process by other males. If a guy really wanted to get laid, his surest bet would be to act mature, discuss his feelings, coo over baby animals and profess profound attraction to a lady's soul rather than her body.


    I could not agree with you more. I am glad to see you are dating younger men, I think when a woman turns 35, it sould almost be her social obligation to teach young men.

    I think it would be a far better idea to make the age restrictions match to biology.

    I was fortunate to have been educated by a few older women when I was in my teens. They taught me both HOW to talk to a woman, but also how to touch, caress and learn what a woman liked.

    I consider these women to be love goddesses.
  • View author's info Posted on May 23, 2005 at 10:03 AM


    untitled
  • View author's info Posted on May 22, 2005 at 12:03 PM



    Yourbestman write:
    Your absolutly right Honey, but why your looking yourself for younger man?
    Maybe some older man are to tuf for you too?



    I cannot see why a person who has a criteria which DOES NOT certain ages or "types", should be under scrutiny.

    If I wanted to date an older women, I would state it. In fact, despite my paying account being dormant, I had every criteria for any person to write me with the exception of Gender Desired. I personally am interested in an intimate relationship with a female.

    We all should just respect everyone as a Human Being before making comments which damage the reputation of men being donkeys. I'd rather not single-out any one, but there is a very new, recently posted comment which I vehemently disagree with. This is all I can say.

    Ksos
  • View author's info Posted on May 19, 2005 at 03:03 AM


    I would have to agree with theeinferno, but it isn't a surprise for as we all know Chicago women are intelligent,creative,independent and as theeinferno proves without a doubt, beautiful and sensual. What was the question? Just kidding.Why did I leave my apt. on Damen and Montrose? I plan on going gold,not gold coast.Perhaps we can chat at least. This was just a sneaky way to say hi and get your attention.D_Turbo
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 24, 2005 at 09:03 AM



    theeinferno writes:
    I think part of the problem is that males (especially very young ones) have been trained in the courtship process by other males. If a guy really wanted to get laid, his surest bet would be to act mature, discuss his feelings, coo over baby animals and profess profound attraction to a lady's soul rather than her body.


    Perhaps you're right in a minority of cases, but this is simply too stereotypical of a belief to hold much water for the majority of every man's courting behavior.

    As a 41 year old male who was married for 16 years and is now nearing a final divorce, I can tell you that my soon to be ex-wife didn't marry me for my love of the theatre, puppy dogs, or my very real desire for a child. All of the above were and still are, very real for me. I love my 13 year old daughter very much and am blessed to have had a wonderful relationship with her. I loved my two dogs for 16 years. I still am lucky enough to get in an off off Broadway show when I can.

    Sadly, the premise of her wanting a relationship was to further her education via my paycheck and not working, the hope that I was in line for a large inheritance, and, utimately, a delusion that I would simply accept a 1/4 type of psuedo commitment which would ultimately leave me lonely and wanting something else.

    She will be getting her wish within a week or so, but at a very large price of a now very troubled teen age daughter and legal bills which have essentially destroyed the quality of life which three people, our daughter included, had always dreamed about maintaining for as long as we breathed.

    I always was honest in my marriage and prior to that, my relationships with other people. I am glad that if I did learn something about my courting behavior, it was from my 67 year old father who is still happily married to his 65 year old wife, for approximately 44 years.

    However, I do not think so, since his relationship with my moth...
  • View author's info Posted on Apr 22, 2005 at 04:37 PM


    I think part of the problem is that males (especially very young ones) have been trained in the courtship process by other males. If a guy really wanted to get laid, his surest bet would be to act mature, discuss his feelings, coo over baby animals and profess profound attraction to a lady's soul rather than her body. Instead, most guys are so hung up on APPEARING studly, that their efforts revolve around language or behavior which might impress other guys, but has very little appeal to women at all. Consider the typical catcall scenario. Does a group of male construction workers really expect a pretty pedestrian to stop, swoon in gratitude and offer them all her favors? Of course not! They are merely showing off for each other. The same mindset applies when guys write ads focusing heavily on their own physical abilities, or sexual desires. Young guys, being the least sophisticated, are also the least self-effacing, and for most of them an older woman is mainly a sexual fantasy, so they tend to think in terms of what would get the biggest round of applause in a locker room, not what would actually catch a lady's interest.

    Interestingly enough, when gay men advertise to meet other MEN, this same heavy-handed approach works fine!
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