Why we feel disappointed on dates Share dating advice and safety tips Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Oct 11, 2009 at 12:41 PM

    I recently read an article in Psychology Today about how we perceive ourselves is usually very different then those around us.¿ If this is true, then profiles as they are asked to be written do not mean much and end up being a set up for people we meet.¿ I could write in my profile that I am a dancer..based upon¿individual experiences that can be defined as 1. Wow, she's a stripper, hope I can get some great lap dances, 2. Is she going to want me to take Ballroom dancing lessons? 3. What does that have to do with anything? 4. It is a quickly forgotten piece of information.¿ Someone can say, I love to have a good time and can be the life of a party...again it is the readers perception that prevails ,...1. I bet he's an alcoholic 2. He needs to be the center of attention all the time 3. He's a party guy and will want to go out or be entertained all the time. I went out with "this" guy, as we were walking out to our cars he asked me to breathe in his breathalyzer for him.¿ I think what happens when we meet someone for the first time, we are bringing with us our perceptions/expectations that probably will not align with the person we are meeting and we feel let down or deceived..what's the solution?¿Stick to¿YOUR basics...appearance, age, education, distance, children, communication styles, AVAILABILITY (you can't get to know someone if you are only¿getting together 3 times a month,¿employment history, do their words and behavior match? (If not, it's their behavior that speaks the truth), red flags, and don't compromise...as long as the first date wasn't a total disaster, you don't really get to learn about who a person is in 3 hours, go out 2 or 3 more times. Stop looking for forever...you might end up in a very great relationship that has more to do with for NOW, not forever, that does not make it any less significant...

    Follow - email me when people comment
  • 3Comments

  • View author's info Posted on Apr 05, 2010 at 03:37 AM

    I think you have to look at what the words mean instead of what they say, I look for spelling mistakes and bad grammer when I read profiles what they actually say doesnt really mean much, anyone can right anything they want, but having said that I havnt had a lot of luck on any dating site in the eight years I've been single, my experience in real life is that when I'm with a girl out somewhere I can talk to singles girls easily, when I'm olone it's much more difficult, I will also say that of the people I know who have gone into a new relationship soon after seperating most have done so by wrecking someone elses relationship

  • View author's info Posted on Oct 29, 2009 at 07:04 PM


    Are you suggesting that one shold create a bland profile that is devoid distinguishing characteristics? Granted people do not see the world as things are, rather they see things are they are. If someone is going make rash prejudgments, that is fine with me to filter out those prone to negativity.


  • View author's info Posted on Oct 12, 2009 at 09:05 AM

    Even getting as far as getting a girl to say yes to a date is impossible for some of us.You're right perception is everything.Single blokes are often just categorised by girls as desperate and it all becomes a type of catch 22.You get turned down as a teenager for your first chance and from then on you just get branded as desperate and they all stay away and they only go for the blokes who've already got someone even if they're married while the one who has'nt stays on the shelf.It seems to me you girls use the red flag too often and only selectively when it suits you.A soldier is'nt going to be around very often and they are away for long periods of time but the girls go for them without too much of a problem while a civvy gets that red flag regardless of wether he's available every day or not.Most girls who I've known base their choices on lots of different contradictory criterea and in my experience it was blokes who were married and thirty years older or more than those girls who got a lot more than a date with them.Whereas today that's still the case but we need to be under 35 and/or younger than the girls we're looking for to even stand a chance of getting that first date.However anyone who jumps to negative conclusions just by reading a profile is'nt worth knowing anyway.There'd be a big difference in girls' attitudes if the numbers situation was'nt so heavily loaded in your favour these days.
Follow - email me when people comment